If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize