I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
