ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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