i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
