HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
