Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Text me some of your sweat
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