He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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