Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
