They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
