I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now