Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today