i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.