I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.