Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
