I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
