Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
