yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
