My liver just broke up with me...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
