no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
