I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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