well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
