Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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