I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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