capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
