3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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