i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
