Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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