Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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