That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
