I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
