i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
