If that was your dad, he is hot
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
