Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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