I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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