I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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