sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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