He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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