It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What a dumb baby whore.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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