you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
