My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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