I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I will die if light touches me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
