Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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