life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you win again, gameday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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