is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
