Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
