Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
