In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
