you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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