Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
