he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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