I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
