One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're too hungover to prance.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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