man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
