Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
