Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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