I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
