some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
