well I can't set my house on fire every night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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