i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Acid is not a monday night drug
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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