So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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