Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.