He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.