So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart