I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.