How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
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My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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