one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out