i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
