whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
