If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?