Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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