I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
